Pauline Dakin grew up a hectic and bizarre life suddenly moving from town to town and watching her mom live in constant fear of she-didn’t-know-what. As an adult, she was told that her estranged father was a mobster who had a hit out on her family’s heads. This is the story of how Ms Dakin dealt with this knowledge. This book was fascinating and bizarre. I really enjoyed it.
Spoilers abound below.
These questions are adapted from Susan Bauer’s Well-Educated Mind, Chapter 6.
✏️Who was the author? (Woman or man or other? Race and ethnicity? Important occupation?)
The author was a white, woman journalist.
✏️What are the central events?
There are three timelines in the book: one when Pauline is a child dealing with her mother’s bizarre antics and having no idea what’s going on; one when Pauline is a young adult, dealing with her mom’s antics when she knows what’s going on; and one as the writer reflecting.
✏️What historical events coincide or merge with personal events?
Pauline was born in 1965, so dealt with a good deal of Cold War era, but I don’t think that much impacted the story she had to tell. I don’t know if organized crime was a particularly huge problem in Canada at that time.
✏️Who is the most important person, or people, in the writer’s life?
Her mother is the most influential person in her life, and she’s very close to her.
✏️What is the theme that ties the narrative together. Is the story spiritual or skeptical?
I’m not sure I agree with Bauer’s claim that memoirs are either spiritual or skeptical. However, there is no religious theme to this memoir.
🖍️Skeptical – What is the theme?
The theme is how mental illness can impact more than just the person with the mental illness.
🖍️Is the story relational (involving relationships with people)?
Yes, it’s mainly about Pauline’s relationship with her mom and Stan.
🖍️Is it oppositional (conflict between two different possible choices)?
There is internal opposition for Pauline between believing her mom and believing her logic.
🖍️Is it heroic, casting the writer in the mold of a mythical hero or heroine, conquering difficulties and overcoming obstacles?
No, she actually seemed rather helpless through a good part of it.
🖍️Is it representational (transforming the writer into a symbol for others who share the same condition)?
No, not many share that condition.
🖍️Is it historical?
It does not cover any mainstream history.
✏️Where is the life’s turning point? Is there a conversion?
There are two turning points in this book. The first is when she’s told about her dad having a hit out on her head, and the second is when she determines that it’s not real. Both had conversions when she had a major paradigm shift.
✏️For what does the writer apologize? In apologizing, how does the writer justify?
She apologized for believing in the story for so long, and for having her childhood and young adulthood so strongly impact her ability to get close to anyone but her mom, brother, and kids.
✏️What is the model – the ideal – for the author’s life?
The ideal she has is to understand reality and understand why her mom deviated from it.
✏️What is the end of life (the place where the writer has arrived, found closure, discovered rest)?
Ms Dakin found closure when she decided Stan wasn’t consciously trying to pull one over on her mother and herself; that, in fact, he was delusional.
✏️Is the author writing for herself or a group?
She obviously thinks the story is interesting to others (it was), but I think it was mainly for herself to help process and get closure
🖍️What parts of the writer’s experience does she assume to be universal?
The positive relationship with her mom may not be assumed to be universal exactly, but she doesn’t think she needs to explain why she’s so close to her mom, even though many adult children would have been bitter.
🖍️Which does she view as unique to herself?
Understandably, she doesn’t seem to think many people have dealt with this level of delusion from their parents. Or at least this complexity of delusion.
🖍️Am I part of the group that would be expected to closely identify with the author’s story?
I don’t know what sort of person would closely identify? People with delusional parents? People who moved around a lot as kids? People who were particularly close to their parents despite mental illness? I am none of those.
🖍️Does it ring true for me? What parts of the story resonate and which do not?
I am not certain Stan was delusional rather than lying. I don’t know how delusions of this nature work, but it seems like he’d have to know that he was, say, paying for flights and hotel rooms with his own money. Right? I mean, basically the assumption is that when he was with his wife he believed one story and when he was with Pauline’s mom he believed a completely different story? That he had a mysterious stash of money and nobody knew where it came from, but that he firmly believed it came from a secret government institution? That he wrote all these letters to Pauline and her mom from fictional people, but then later believed those letters really were from real people? What did he think WHILE he was writing them? Because he had to be holding some sort of at least loosely-formed belief at the time. I am skeptical. Pauline just wanted to think the best of him. It gave her closure, so I guess that’s good, at least. I mean, it hardly matters now that Stan and Pauline’s mom have both passed.
✏️What are the three moments or timeframes of the story? (When it happened, when it was written, when it was read.)
It happened between the mid 1970’s and late 1990’s. It was written in 2017, after her mom and Stan had passed. I read it in 2023.
🖍️What was the author’s reason for writing?
I think she needed closure.
🖍️Was the writer at a high or low point at the time of writing?
I think a high point, since she was getting closure
🖍️How has the biography changed in the years since its publication?
It has only been 6 years. Not much has changed.
✏️Where does the author’s judgement lie? What, or whom, does the author judge? Is this criticism valid?
She judged Stan at first, until she decided he was delusional. I think that judgment is very valid, as I don’t believe delusion makes sense in his case.
🖍️Who do I deem responsible for successes and failures of the author?
Successes – herself and to a lesser extent her mom. Failures – her mom and Stan
✏️What have I brought away from this story? What did I hope to get?
It was a good story that entertained me. That’s all I wanted.
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