I yearn to go on

to face my demons beyond the Gate 

And I am relentlessly pulled

The hand on my ankle

Firm. 

Recklessly dragging me under

The Gate

Suddenly,

I feel a hand around my ankle

Before I have time to 

GASP! 

for air

I am pulled under. 

My mouth is filled with blood.

Dear God, let it be blood

not sewage

I cannot taste.

But in my panic

I yearn.

This week was very productive. I took a job as a Direct Support Professional in a mental health assistance housing program. I’m on-call, which means I can choose my own hours (there will always be hours as mental health is an understaffed field), and I plan on working approximately every other weekend to earn a little extra money for doing fun stuff with the family. My orientation won’t be till April 14th, so stay tuned.

On Thursday, I left town for a road-trip to Texas to see my cousins. My nephew J and father join me. Friday was a lot of fun. We started out going to the John Brown museum:

Dad seemed especially excited. Dad was even more excited to eat steak and pose by a wooden bear in Oklahoma:

Then was the really fun part. J got to have a movie date with his internet friend N. They’ve known each other for a while on the internet, but he’d never met her. He was really nervous and excited. It was adorable. I wish I could have taken a picture, but they didn’t ask, and I didn’t want to impose. She was cute, and she obviously was impressed with J, because she kept covering her mouth in a nervous little gesture. It was so cute.

Saturday, we stopped in Waco, TX for a trip to a trampoline park. J saw his second cousins there:

I saw my first cousins:

While the boys jumped, my cousins and I headed to see some silos that are apparently really awesome if you watch reality TV.

Fun stuff.

Currently reading

Same as last week.

Alone

Strangled by grief

Abandoned

Lost

Why do I ever trust?

But I do. 

I always do.

And for some reason

I still do.

Abandoned again

I want to cry.

But I have no eyes.

I can still feel.

I still hold the hand of my friend

who suffers his own misery.

He cannot tell me how he feels

but I know we are still in this together.

And then he disappears 

into the cesspool.

I cannot see.

I cannot hear.

I’m drowning in my own blood and bile…

I THINK that’s what the viscous fluid in my mouth is

I can’t taste it

Please

don’t let it be from the cesspool.

I swallow

With a jolt

the other friend and I grasp hands

and clumsily half-swim to the Gate.

We reach out together

and pain sears through my hand. 

Burning as if the Gate were a red-hot iron.

Shooting neuralgic pain

in every nerve of my being.

Shrieks so deafening

blood leaks from my ears.

Ice picks of darkness piercing my eyes

Bitter, tangy acid assaulting my tongue.

I bite.

I swallow and spit.

I choke on my dismembered tongue.

I release the Gate.

It will not open.

That Artsy Reader Girl hosts a weekly meme in which we respond to a pre-determined prompt. This week’s prompt is books on my spring TBR. I don’t really plan books by season, so I’ll just list off the books I expect to read in the next couple of months.

I have been trying to read this book for a while now, but I have trouble with long books. They work a little better on audio, so I’m going to make an effort to finish this audiobook by the end of Spring.

 

 

 

 

 

This book has been sitting in my Audible library unread for quite a while. I think it’s time to break it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Working on completing the science fiction works of H. G. Wells, as suggested in Harold Bloom’s Canon. I figured this was a good way to knock the major short stories off my list.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been wanting to read this ever since it came out. I’ve decided to start reading the Wellcome Trust Book Prize lists, and this is on it. Yay!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This will be my April choice for my Real Life Book Club.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m reading this by the end of April for my Classics Club Spin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Currently reading Brandon Mull’s new release.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will listen to this Wells classic that I’ve never read before. I’m very excited as I love H. G. Wells.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is another Wellcome Trust Book finalist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I’ll hopefully finish this audiobook of Doctor Who short stories before Spring is up.